It rained all day yesterday (bliss!) and I love the way a garden looks after the rain, a little beaten down and glistening with the leftover raindrops. My garden is wild. My house has been taken over by its wooliness and it makes me feel protected and calm. Sitting on my front porch feels like a retreat. Where the akebia vines meets the hydrangeas there is only a sliver of light that gets through and it's incredibly private. I remember when we moved in, I felt really vulnerable sitting on my exposed front porch, over the years that's been completely taken care of by nature (and a little sweat on our part). I can't wait to plant annuals and get some more color in there!
Last week I started reading Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity. You know, I really love me some Beth Moore. Sometimes I struggle with Christian writers being a little, well cheesy. Every book I've ever read of hers just makes me laugh because it's like talking with a girlfriend. I mean, she takes the words out of my mouth er head. This book is bringing up a lot of notsopleasant memories of when insecurity has made me act a fool. Ugh, to be truly confident. I read something last night that really stuck with me. She was talking about triggers, words or actions that make insecurity rear its ugly head. I have more than I'd like to admit. She then talks about how to fight that by putting on a cloak of strength and dignity (prov 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.") and knowing that the Lord will fight for you, so you don't have to. Words of power for a woman!
Lately I've been thinking a lot about how social media can really prey on our insecurities. I broke down in tears recently after several of my great friends referred to someone else as their bestie. Broke my heart. I can laugh about it now, but it was painful. I also get a little bummed when I see a bunch of my friends out together without me. Being transparent here people. I worry about how these things will affect Matilda during her teen years. Ugh the agony of it all. Something else that I find to be interesting is the need for affirmation on looks: "Here's a picture of me" "Please say I'm pretty" "Here's a little bit of my thigh." It's a lot of pressure. Sometimes I cringe when people don't say anything when someone posts a picture of themselves, because I know they just need a little validation. I get it! I'm a girl. I would be lying if I said it didn't make me feel good to have people say nice things about a photo of me. We all want to be noticed. I just think ladies have it hard sometimes.