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SO LONG, INSECURITY

It rained all day yesterday (bliss!) and I love the way a garden looks after the rain, a little beaten down and glistening with the leftover raindrops. My garden is wild. My house has been taken over by its wooliness and it makes me feel protected and calm. Sitting on my front porch feels like a retreat. Where the akebia vines meets the hydrangeas there is only a sliver of light that gets through and it's incredibly private. I remember when we moved in, I felt really vulnerable sitting on my exposed front porch, over the years that's been completely taken care of by nature (and a little sweat on our part). I can't wait to plant annuals and get some more color in there!

Last week I started reading Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity. You know, I really love me some Beth Moore. Sometimes I struggle with Christian writers being a little, well cheesy. Every book I've ever read of hers just makes me laugh because it's like talking with a girlfriend. I mean, she takes the words out of my mouth er head. This book is bringing up a lot of notsopleasant memories of when insecurity has made me act a fool. Ugh, to be truly confident. I read something last night that really stuck with me. She was talking about triggers, words or actions that make insecurity rear its ugly head. I have more than I'd like to admit. She then talks about how to fight that by putting on a cloak of strength and dignity (prov 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.") and knowing that the Lord will fight for you, so you don't have to. Words of power for a woman!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how social media can really prey on our insecurities. I broke down in tears recently after several of my great friends referred to someone else as their bestie. Broke my heart. I can laugh about it now, but it was painful. I also get a little bummed when I see a bunch of my friends out together without me. Being transparent here people. I worry about how these things will affect Matilda during her teen years. Ugh the agony of it all. Something else that I find to be interesting is the need for affirmation on looks: "Here's a picture of me" "Please say I'm pretty" "Here's a little bit of my thigh." It's a lot of pressure. Sometimes I cringe when people don't say anything when someone posts a picture of themselves, because I know they just need a little validation. I get it! I'm a girl. I would be lying if I said it didn't make me feel good to have people say nice things about a photo of me. We all want to be noticed. I just think ladies have it hard sometimes.

25 comments :

  1. Love the gorgeous photos! Beth Moore is an amazing Christian speaker and author. The first book I ever read was Fight Like a Girl. She gives other women hope and inspiration. Sometimes we, us ladies, need to be reminded of our beauty (inside and out)...

    XO

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    1. ooh, i'll have to check that out! we do need to be reminded! amen sister.

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  2. Do you know what growing zone you are in? (i don't know where you are, if you have mentioned it) I love the plants on the porch! Did you simply plant them in the gutters? They aren't too heavy now that they are so big? We live on a busy state route, and sell organic veggies from our house. This would be a nice touch - in aiding trying to remove yourself from the traffic. :)

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    1. hey girl! i want to sell organic veggies from my house! we are in zone 7b. it's a very lightweight vine and it grows very fast. my husband just staples it to the house periodically.

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  3. Your home and garden are absolutely beautiful, as are you and your sweet girl! I agree that feeling insecure is definitely more of an issue for women, but just hope that in your case you realize what an inspiration you are to so many of your readers. You're a beautiful person on the inside and out, a wonderful momma and wife, you're incredibly creative, and you have such a warm and caring soul. Any of your friends should be lucky to have you in their lives:)

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    1. grace! what an incredibly sweet thing to say. you are such a dear person. thank you for making me feel so warm and fuzzy!!

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  4. this is such a great post! thanks so much for being so transparent. and let me reassure - you are not alone!! i have totally been there. (and still struggle now too!) God loves you so much, my friend! He's so proud of you. :)

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    1. thank you lora for these sweet words. <3

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  5. Gosh, I need to read that book. I feel like I have so many triggers. And I get so upset seeing things on IG, twitter, etc about friends doing thing without me, other people whose lives look so perfect. I even struggle with insecurity at school - am I smart enough, etc. I have to constantly remind myself that my worth is not judged by worldly gain or by the things than man holds as important. My (and your) worth are deeply rooted in the Lord, and He loves us so dearly.

    Always here if you need an ear to listen and a word of encouragement. You are so beautiful, and I'm so lucky to have you as a friend.

    xoxo

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    1. ash- you are clearly smart enough my little graduate! i am so proud of you. i hate that my friends ever feel those pangs. just makes me mad that satan gets a foothold there. i am the lucky one my friend. you would love this book. i think it's a great book for any woman to read!

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  6. Aw,yes, this is a wonderful post. I worry about all my 3 daughters will encounter as teenagers as well. I am going to check that book out-I have some major triggers! It's amazing how you can be cruising along just fine and then bam! crushed into an insecure little heap.
    Thinking of you during this time. Your house is adorable and I admire/envy your talent and style-and you are cute as a button! Chin up, Buttercup:)

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    1. three girls! the fear. ha. i know you'll be just fine. all we can do is pray that we've raised them to be strong and confident in the Lord. thank you so much for your always kind words, jayne. means so much!

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  7. Yes, we do have it hard! I definitely seek affirmation in the things that I do, and not all of that is bad... but when it becomes THE thing I'm after, we have problems. I can only find my strength in one Person, one Love. It's amazing how quickly I forget that. Thanks for this reminder. xo

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  8. I love when you right things like this that are so real Lesley! (which is most of the time, but this was FOR REAL:). Its funny because I was feeling the same way the other day about fb and talked to my mom because I had felt very left out of a few things happening with all my friends. If I hadn't seen it on FB I never would have known! And I am a grown woman, whose is confident (and yet I couldn't shake that nagging feeling about being left out!!). I can't imagine how my daughters will have to face these sorts of things that lead to insecurity when they are teenagers! Ugh, those years are hard ENOUGH! Im glad to know (ok not glad, but feel better knowing) that even someone as amazing and withit, and FRIENDS WITH EVERYBODY as you can feel like that sometimes too. And yeah we all need affirmation sometimes, but if you remember whose opinion counts most it can help when you don't recieve it (the praise of your peers). oh and that porch is AMAZING

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    1. haha i am certainly not friends with everyone. thank you so much for your encouragement. makes a girl feel good. i just think it's important to talk about things like this so that people (or i haha) don't feel alone. Lord help us through those teen years. it is so scary, because we are all so accutely aware of being left out of things we would otherwise not even be the wiser too. ignorance really is bliss.

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  9. Lesley,

    I absolutely love seeing your garden photos! I hate that you are feeling this way right now. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted! The best advice I can give you is surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. I always find refuge with my family and my sisters. :)

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    1. thank you amy! i always kind of struggle with insecurity, but i just really wanted to air out laundry that i thought other folks might struggle with as well. thank you for your wise words amy!

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  10. I have these days too. I sometimes post on photos that nobody else has so that person knows that there is someone out there who likes them and they shouldn't be insecure.

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    1. you sweet lady. i try to do the same but i don't always. i should work on that!

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  11. You're right about girls having it hard. There's so much pressure on us to be so many different things. Even if we recognize that a lot of it is socially-imposed an unfair, it's hard to escape. I appreciate your vulnerability in talking about these things--they're things that everyone feels but most people don't talk about. I love and admire you so much!

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    1. thank you my oldest friend. love you and so glad we got to catch up last night! xo

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  12. I love your house. I think it is fresh and comfortable to live there,:-) Loving the way you are is one way of erasing insecurity,am I right?

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  13. Love the amazing photos!What a great house!You must enjoy your life there!Thanks for sharing!

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