Monday, January 28, 2013

PUTTING IT ALL OUT THERE

Last week I posted this article for pregnancy and newborn magazine. I really didn't think much about the post. I tend to write something and kind of move on. When I went to go share it on facebook I noticed there were a couple of comments. One of them, not so positive. I was being criticized for how I handled a situation with Matilda. I cried. I vented on facebook that my feelings were hurt. It never gets easy to hear negative feedback. Some friends and readers came to my defense and then I felt guilty about how that may have affected this person that was sharing her opinion. It's a slippery slope sharing your life online. You certainly open yourself up to judgements. We all sort of judge each other, don't we? I think as humans that is one of the biggest challenges. I try every day to work on that part of my spirit that wants to critique others and point my finger at what I deem to be notsogreat. Oh, the human experience.

I often think about these things when it comes to social media/blogging/etc. We put so much of ourselves out there (and probably our kids too) wanting to be "liked." Sometimes I get a little squeamish about it and wonder where to draw the line. When I heard about this new "vine app," I first thought, "Not another one." Then I got sucked in to the cool and wanted to play with the fun features and then this morning there was porn in the feed. I thought, "What am I doing?!" I certainly don't need another distraction. Sometimes as a stay at home mom I crave that outlet to the outside world, to see what other adults are doing. In the meantime, I feel like it keeps me from being present with my kids. Huge problem. I'm going to challenge myself this week to not look at the internet at all when Matilda is awake. It's toxic I think for our relationships with our littles. Praying about that.

We are full speed ahead on the renovations and right now my heart is anxious about finding the perfect renters for our old home. I know God's hand is on this move, it's just a little scary right now. We're hoping to get all the painting and cleaning done this week. Things are moving slow on that end. It's taken us an entire month to fully move (and that's just temporarily!). I can't wait to look back on all of this and be amazed that we made it through it all relatively unscathed.

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22 comments:

  1. I think you're amazing :) You do such a great job under stress!

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    1. thanks so much sweet mandy! i must be hiding the crazy well. haha!

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  2. Most people only show the best parts of themselves on the internet so bravo to you for being honest. People will always try to tear others down to feel justified in their own lives. You do the best you can for you and your family so don't let anyone challenge that. Stay strong and stay gold dear! xo

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    1. xo nicole!!! i'm going to adopt "stay gold" into my daily vocabulary. love it!

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  3. i totally know what you mean. i am definitely feeling convicted/torn about the whole internet thing lately too.

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    1. i think whenever we feel this way, it's just a nudge to unplug a bit. xo

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  4. I've always admired how well you handle the very grey line between sharing just enough and oversharing regarding your family and your kids. Even though I don't have any kids of my own, I imagine it's hard deciding sometimes whether or not you should post something in fear that you're overexposing them? But I don't feel like you do that at all. You write openly and honestly about tough moments, and that helps others who are going through something similar. From experience, I know it really helps to see that someone else is going through a similar struggle -- it reminds us that we're all human. No one is perfect, no one has a perfect life, and it's refreshing to see someone telling it like it is from time-to-time.

    And, I know what you mean about negative feedback. I never go back and check the comment feeds of my TLC articles, but not too long ago I happened to come across one with SCATHING comment after scathing comment --
    "who is this writer, she's terrible, did she even fact-check her information, it's ALL wrong, this is the worst article I've ever read," etc. It was a weird topic, but I felt like I did the best I could with what I was given. Reading those comments made me feel like I'd been punched in the face. One of these people even linked to a BLOG POST that they dedicated to arguing every point I made. And it wasn't constructive. I wanted to give in and write, "Um, I have an editor, and yes; it was fact-checked. Did you even READ my article all the way through?!" It was REALLY hard to walk away from the computer screen without commenting back. People just LOVE to sit behind the safety of their computers and write nasty things about someone they've never (and will never) meet in real life. The world is full of mean, miserable people! And you're right -- it's never easy to feel criticized. Or be judged.

    Hold your head up and know that you are a great writer and a great mother and wife! You rock. Don't let the haters get you down :)

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    1. AHHHHH. such craziness. it's just better not to look i guess. i think when you're on a bigger platform people feel like they can get a big edgier and that they assume you're not a person with feelings or something. it's really interesting. still hurts to read those things, so i'm sorry that happened to you!

      as always, thank you for the incredibly kind words and encouragement! xo

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  5. Oh I know what you mean on both points. I'm so afraid to share my life at times on the internet because I've had some pretty nasty things said anonymously to me (back when I used formspring), things that made me cry. Occasionally I get a pretty weird email too and it makes me question it all.

    I made a vine because everyone else was doing it. God I feel like I'm high school again or something, this is ridiculous. I actually deleted my instagram last week because I felt I was getting too sucked into, the likes and the comments and everything. I also felt it was taking away from my photography and I was just getting lazy with my photos. I'm craving to be back on it though. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't addicted to social media. Like you said, it's toxic. =/

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    1. it really does feel like high school sometimes! it's in those moments that i have to step back, laugh, and remember... it's not real life!

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  6. You're an excellent mom and don't let anyone tell you differently. We humans are so quick to judge and it's hard not to take it personally. We even judge ourselves!!! Go easy on yourself and I love the idea of not being "social" while the kids are watching. It's hard but necessary. xoxo

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    1. thanks so much amy! working on going easier on myself fo sho. you make it all look so easy!

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  7. lovely and honest post. just keep doing what you are doing and give yourself as much grace as you would another mother.

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  8. Well said, Lesley! I was sort of taken aback by the negativity on your post too. People can be so lame!
    I feel like you wrote here straight from my mind! I've been feeling the same, trying to figure out the balance. Also got sucked into the vine app (haven't seen any porn, but certainly wondered if I needed another distraction. For instance, I'm typing this while feeding Isaac. Why am I not interacting with him? Guilty!
    I think your idea of no Internet when the kiddos are awake is great. Not sure I can do it, but I'm thinking I may try too.
    Anyway, I'm right there with you, mama!

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    1. girl, i feel you. it's hard with babies, because they really don't engage and it can get a little lonely when you're home all day. now that matilda is older, she's very aware if i'm on my phone. you've got a couple of years to not worry too much about it! ;) hope everything is going so well!

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  9. It is such a tough balance to strike. Today was one of those days where Josephine did not want to be put down. I would get her to sleep, put her in the crib, and then the tears would start. All I wanted to do was check in on some blogs and perhaps get a new post started. I started to get annoyed with her. Then I thought, "What am I doing??" Surely the blog can wait. Talk about feeling guilty. She is finally down for a nap now...praise the lord!

    You are one of my favorite people to "check-in" with everyday. This space is such a breath of fresh air. Don't stop doing what you're doing! :)

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    1. i understand completely! we are all creatures of comfort and when things get crazy i think it's natural for us to want to retreat. it does get easier!! thank you so much for the kind words and josephine is precious!

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  10. Ohhhhh, yuck. That so would've hurt my feelings, too. As mommas of littles, we already beat ourselves up over so much, we certainly don't need any contributions from the peanut gallery, ha! I love what you've said about technology and being aware of how much we are on it when our children are awake. My two year old told me today that she needed to text her daddy! What!! Thank you for the reminder. And you're a good momma. The perfect momma for Matilda and Phoebe. God designed it that way, and He never makes mistakes. Whew, what a comfort when we are feeling like the worst momma ever!

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    1. i love you heather. that was just what i needed to read today. what a wonderful reminder to me.

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  11. Hey! I read your article the other day and I saw that comment you are talking about. There is always going to be someone out there like that. I am sorry it hurt your feelings, but don't let it. For what it's worth, I think you handled the situation beautifully. Being a mother is the most difficult job and at times I think people forget that. Humans are judgmental by nature, that is just the way it goes. We all got your back! Don't sweat the small stuff (or the insignificant people).

    Can't wait to see more house pictures!

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    1. thank you alison!! you're so awesome. i can't wait to share! have a great week.

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