and now you are five
A letter to Matilda
At 9:27 pm, five years ago, I became a mother. Your mother. At 27 years old I had no idea what that would look like. When I was pregnant I imagined blissful strolls and pictured myself holding you perfectly swaddled while you grinned at me ( I did have those moments - so many I couldn't count them), I was a bit overwhelmed when I realized that this whole mama gig might be a little harder than I thought. It was indeed more than just tiny outfits and little shoes, it was full-time and you were totally dependent on me. I found out just what sleepless nights were, I watched my body change as you grew inside me and even after you were born. I felt a love so encompassing that it would bring me to tears every.single.time I looked at you. You were beautiful then, you are beautiful now. Thank you little one for making me a better person, for teaching me patience, for allowing my heart to grow and develop chambers so full of love, the kind that I didn't even know existed. This adventure is such a sweet one baby girl. I can't believe God trusted your incredible life with me. So thankful to watch you grow up and to spend my days with you. Your tenacious spirit and heart of gold will take you so far. You are turning into such a little lady! You are understanding more and more about this world which is bittersweet, I want to protect you at every turn and am learning what it means to let others guide you too. To trust in God's plan for you. I love watching you experience something for the first time, learn to do something new, you are a treat for my soul. You are everything I could have hoped for and more. I don't want to cheapen your beauty with words so I will just stop here and say... Happy 5th birthday Matilda!