Date Night: Dream Together

Sam and I have been married for almost nine years. It's really crazy to think that we've been a couple for a decade now. Remember when six months with a boyfriend was a long time? I can honestly say we are not who we married. We have both grown up so much since we tied the knot on that amazing night in Atlanta so many moons ago. I'm excited to talk about marriage on the blog. I obviously want to keep a lot of things private but I also want to inspire myself to come up with creative ways for Sam and I to spend our wednesday nights together (our self-proclaimed date night).

Sometimes I feel like Sam and I get so caught up in our own work and the babies that we don't talk about much else. Every night goes a little something like this... Sam gets home, I've either fed the girls or I'm feeding them. He starts on dinner for us while I do bedtime. We eat, usually in front of the TV and then Sam heads upstairs to work and I finish up downstairs. Where's the conversation? It ain't happening. Part of my working from home means sacrificing some personal time at night because often I can't get things done during the day. One of my goals this year is to wake up early to work (that's when I'm the most productive) and to take four hours on saturdays to be out of the house (a true luxury!). I think that will make me feel more sane and free up some week nights.

For the first "date night" idea I wanted to share something that we love to do and don't do often: Dream together. Sam and I are both goal oriented and it's so fun to cast a vision together for what we want for our family, each other, and ourselves.

Set it up:

Light a candle - my sweet boss gifted me with this "Cedar" candle and I love it.
Play some music - I am loving Josh Garrels Love & War & the Sea in Between.
Pour some wine (or other festive drink - something out of the ordinary) - my go-to vino.

Think & talk about:

1. Planning a vacation, even a weekend one. Sam and I didn't do this for years but I think it's crucial to get away, bonus points if it's by yourself (haven't done this since Phoebe was born and we need to).
2. Big ideas. What do you really want for your family in the next five years? What's a career dream goal? Talk about how to support each other to get there.
3. What's missing? Is there something that you wish you could do together more?
4. We like to talk about financial goals as well, where we want to give, what we want to do to the house, etc. Sometimes it's superficial, other times meaningful. Keeps us on track.

Do you dream together with you man? I'd love to start a conversation about conversing in general!

photo by Jessica Mahady

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  1. This is such a great way to be intentional about marriage. John and I have been together 9 years. I think at times we are just too comfortable in knowing each other and we forget to have those conversations to discover what is new.... or maybe they just don't happen as often any more as life seams busier and busier. Looking forward to what else you have to share during this year of date nights!

  2. Lesley, I think you should write more on this topic! I love reading on this topic from friends I admire because it can be an encouragement. Gabe and I are dreaming about a vacay away without the kids for the first time since we got married. I don't know if it will happen, but just scheming about it has us feeling like college kids again;)

  3. I've been to the Menage a Trois winery and, if you and Sam plan a trip out here (!!), I'll take you there! :)
    We love weekend getaways. We're going skiing in Tahoe the first weekend in February and I am SO EXCITED!
    Love you.
    p.s. Last time you were out here (2003, sadly), you were just getting excited about Sam. ;)

  4. I love this so much. One of my favorite bloggers just wrote about this too (you can find it here, I hope you don't me linking to her post: Only 1,5 year into marriage (no kids yet) and I already realize how friggin important date night is. We, too, make a deliberate effort to keep dating each other despite work, school, family, commitments, being tired, ... It's necessary to invest in your spouse and to just have fun. Life is serious enough as it is. Thanks for the reminder to keep dating my man in 2014. ;)

  5. Since our life is so transient at the moment with Pete's job, one of the things we love to do is sit and look at real estate listings…dreaming and talking about the day when we can finally purchase our "forever home." We've also started eating at the kitchen table a couple nights a week. We are big tv people (it's how we unwind) and most nights find ourselves plunked in front of some show while eating dinner. The nights when we eat together at the table are so great…it's such a wonderful way to reconnect after a long day. If Josephine is awake we put her in the high chair and pull her up to the table, too!

  6. Love this! As we get ready to add our first baby to the mix, I'm taking all the advice I can get on balancing marriage and parenting!

  7. A date night is difficult for us and we don't even have kids! Conversations tend to focus around our business. I agree, it's difficult to focus that time onto personal issues and goals. I push for, but it doesn't ALWAYS happen, due to deadlines and such, for one night a week where work talk is not allowed. It's a struggle but it has to be done, or you're really just roommates!

    For the parents, I have a friend who used to be part of a club where each set of parents watches the other parents' kids for one night a month. To reword, you have a weekly date with your husband (sans kids) three nights of the month, and then one night a month with the other parents' kids. Does that make sense?

  8. good post, good topic, good music (million miles is one of the besttttt songs).


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